


If only you knew

by feminabeata



Series: Femina Beata's Fan Service [2]
Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 10:57:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1855516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feminabeata/pseuds/feminabeata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dongwoo is a little broken, and Hoya tries to fix him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If only you knew

**Author's Note:**

> My second prompt and first time writing this pairing!
> 
> Also I suck at keeping within my word limit.

"Tell me your name."

"Dongwoo...Jang Dongwoo."

* * *

Hoya looked over his list of new patients. He couldn't believe that his luck was this bad. Dongwoo, Jang Dongwoo, the leader of his rival dance crew was now under his care and responsibility. It wasn't that Hoya hated Dongwoo. Envious maybe. Things just seemed to come so easily for the other; whereas Hoya felt like he had to fight for everything in his life. Even his current job as a physical therapist didn't come to him without a fight and obstacles (and a crapton of student loans). But Dongwoo's easy streak seem to have come to an end. He was in the process of recovering from multiple injuries including a broken arm and ankle and torn ACL from a random act of violence, or so Hoya was told. 

Hoya didn't know his rival so well, apart from his free flowing dance style and (annoyingly) easy way he dealt with his crew. _Dancing is for fun, my ass_ , Hoya recalled Dongwoo cheering up his crew after a recent loss at a competition. Dancing was once fun for the therapist, but somewhere down the line, it became a struggle like everything else. It became about winning. And in spite of flawless technique, Hoya was often told that he looked robotic. "You can see that you're thinking about every move," Feeldog, his second in command, had told him once. And Hoya couldn't argue against that because it was true. He hadn't been able to just feel the music and enjoy dancing; he had lost it at some point in time between his youth and adulthood.

But this Jang Dongwoo hadn't. And that's what bothered Hoya the most about him. Dongwoo had never grown up like he had; he never became jaded.

"Dongwoo-ssi, it's a pleasure to see you again," Hoya said as he walked into his office.

"Hoya!" Dongwoo greeted cheerfully. "I can't believe this is what you do for a living. Imagine my surprise when Doc Gyu recommended you as my therapist. And of course I said yes. I could really use a friend during this whole process."

Apparently Dongwoo didn't get the rival memo. "Is that so?" was all that Hoya could think to say out loud at the moment because inside his head he was cursing at his referral arrangement with that damn Kim Sunggyu, who made this lovely meeting possible (speaking of which, Dongwoo not only didn't get the rival memo, but he also didn't seem to notice Hoya's formal speech. He was his doctor for Christ's sake. Not his friend). Hoya tried to hide his annoyance with the other by pretending to flip through the chart in his hands. "Well, I can see why you might be surprised. But dancing is more than a hobby than a career, don't you think?" He brought down his chart a bit and glanced at Dongwoo who was twiddling his thumbs in his lap. "What do you do for a living?"

Dongwoo looked up sheepishly at Hoya. "I'm a dance teacher," he answered quietly.  _Shit, no_ , Hoya winced in thought. "And a choreographer...That's why Doc Gyu recommended you. He said that no one else would know how to fix a broken dancer better than you. He also said that I'm healing up quickly, so I should be able to go back to work soon," Dongwoo said proudly.

_Damn you Kim Sunggyu_ , Hoya mentally swore,  _for filling him with false hope_. Because in Hoya's professional opinion, Jang Dongwoo could never dance like he once did ever again. His career was over.

* * *

But in spite of Hoya's dismal forecast, Dongwoo did appear to be healing quickly from his injury and was completing his exercises with ease. "See, I told you," Dongwoo bragged, but he couldn't mask the pain shining in his eyes.

"Don't push yourself too hard, Dongwoo-ssi," Hoya warned.

"I'm not," Dongwoo insisted. He then put more weight on his hurt ankle, and winced, inhaling sharply, at the pressure. "See I'm just fine," he lied.

"Sure, sure," Hoya let him off. It was better not to enter a hurt sense of pride to Dongwoo's list of injuries."But let's take a break, for me. I'm tired. You're more lively than my usual clients."

Dongwoo gladly sat down. "Who do you usually have?" he asked.

"Old people recovery from hip and knee surgeries," Hoya answered. "You're a lot faster than they are."

"I'm glad to know that I can still out run an old man," Dongwoo joked as he stretched out his leg.

Hoya then knelt down in front of him and began to massage his injured knee. "Tell me if it hurts," he said casually. He looked up at his patient. Like always, Dongwoo was still trying to hide his pain. Hoya scoffed a little. "You might be able to out-run an old man, but it's a close race," he joked. Dongwoo just pouted in response.

* * *

The next week, Hoya was at the hospital, looking after his older patients who seemed to have reinjured themselves. There Sunggyu ran up to meet him. "Hoya yaho!" he called to the other with his usual greeting. "So how's my favorite patient?"

"Hyungdon-ssi?" he asked, referring to the elderly man he just visited.

"No, not that old fart. Woo-ah!" he announced happily. Hoya raised his eyebrow in confusion. "Jang Dongwoo," Sunggyu clarified. "He said that you two were friends."

"More like acquaintances," Hoya replied. "We know each other through dance competitions. But he's doing fine."

"Good. Good," Sunggyu responded leaning up against the hallway wall, crossing his arms across his chest. "You know he was in pretty bad shape when he came to me. All black and blue and red," he said with a shiver. "But the kid was always positive. Especially when his little students came to visit him. That big, goofy smile never left his face," Sunggyu reminisced with a small smile on his face.

Hoya wiped that smile off by punching him in the arm. "Don't look at me like you didn't deserve it," Hoya snapped back at Sunggyu's innocent expression. "You told Dongwoo-ssi that would recover 100%, and you know that isn't true. Not in his condition."

"Yea but if anyone could do it, Dongwoo would."

* * *

And Hoya almost believed that because for the next several weeks, Dongwoo was improving impossibly quick. He was not afraid to push himself to his limits, and when Hoya asked why, Dongwoo responded, "Because I have people waiting for me: my students and my crew. I can't let them down."

He had motivation and a goal to reach. Hoya could see the fire burning behind Dongwoo's eyes, along with the pain and the fatigue. But one day the fire died; he had lost it, his motivation.

Dongwoo was fumbling doing the most simple of Hoya's exercises. He kept trying to push himself through the wobbling, but his ankle and knee finally gave out. He fell onto the floor.

"What's wrong, Dongwoo-ssi? Your mind seems to be somewhere else." Hoya asked as he helped his patient up.

But Dongwoo wrest himself from Hoya's grasp. He rubbed his face with his hands. "F***ing shit. Everything's going to Hell," his curses were muffled by his hands but didn't stop Hoya from being surprised.

He didn't know how to respond to Dongwoo's outburst, so he just sat down next to him. After hesitating for a few seconds, Hoya finally put his hand on Dongwoo's shoulder. The other seemed to be somewhat comforted by it. "It's okay to have a bad day. Everybody does. A bit of a relapse is normal," Hoya encouraged. "Tomorrow will be better."

Dongwoo shook his head and lifted it. Hoya could see his face contort into something he never thought that he would see on Dongwoo's face, a frown. Not only that but now tears were forming in the corners of his sharp eyes. Hoya began to shift uncomfortably in his spot, not knowing what to do.

"Tomorrow will be the same," Dongwoo explained. "And the day after that and the day after that." Hoya cocked his head urging the other to explain further. "I was let go today. They're having my replacement officially replace me. He's younger, the kids like him, and he brings in more girl students. The academy is too small to pay the both of us." Dongwoo inhaled deeply, attempting to control himself and failing. He gave up and continued, "And I told my crew to move on without me. And they auditioned for that reality tv talent show, and passed." Hoya felt a pang of jealousy at that. His own crew had failed that audition. But he remembered that Dongwoo hadn't stopped blubbering to him. "And the rent's due for my apartment soon which I could barely afford before, but now with the medical bills...it's impossible," he ended with an exasperated groan.

"You could move in with me," the words fell from Hoya's mouth even before his mind could realize the thought. Dongwoo looked as shocked as Hoya felt. "You know, just for awhile," he tried to soften his statement.

"Isn't that going beyond your duty as my therapist?" Dongwoo asked. So he did finally realize Hoya's distance and professional airs.

Hoya shrugged and smirked. "Maybe...but it's within my duty as your friend."

* * *

Dongwoo moved in with Hoya at the end of the month.  Hoya watched his new roommate explore his apartment like an explorer discovering a new world. "Woah! Look at the size of this bathroom! And this kitchen too! Looks like all new appliances. Very nice. Oh and this carpet is very soft," he ended with a giggle, playing with the carpet in between his toes.

"Uh, thanks," Hoya slowly spoke, amazed at the other's sudden change from a blubbering, cursing mess from a week ago back to his usual chipper self. He shook his head. "Your bedroom is over here," he showed him the bedroom across from his own. It used to be his study. It was small and windowless, and Hoya's books still lined the room in several bookshelves. He had barely managed to squeeze a bed and a dresser in between them (which, yes, he did recently buy for this newcomer, but he justified it because they were on sale). But the look on Dongwoo's face made it seem like it was a room fit for a king.

"It's perfect," he exclaimed as he threw his bag into the room and jumped onto his bed. Hoya just stared at him from the doorway. Dongwoo propped himself onto his elbows and looked at the other apologetically. "Thank you...for everything. I'll make this up to you as soon as I can. I'm looking for jobs, but it might take awhile. In the meantime, I can clean up around here and...I can cook too!"

Hoya nodded. "That sounds good, but I already thought of a way we can both help each other out." Dongwoo looked up at him with a confused expression. "Tomorrow, we're going to try something new."

* * *

The next afternoon, Hoya dragged Dongwoo out to the dance studio that he often practiced in with his own dance crew (Feeldog owned it). He could feel the apprehension emitting from Dongwoo as he surveyed the studio. "Hoya, do you really think I'm ready for this?"

"No," Hoya answered honestly. "But I don't think the both of us could wait any longer."

Dongwoo nodded. "You said that we both could help each other out, but what are you getting from this?"

Hoya sighed as he looked at his serious expression in the reflection of the mirrored wall. "I want to have fun again."

* * *

"YAH! Stop laughing!"

"I can't help it! You look so serious," Dongwoo sputtered in between laughs, but he soon began to control himself after seeing the hurt expression on his friend's face. He shuffled over to Hoya and put his arm around his shoulders. "You have the typical problem that most of my students have, especially those with parents who force them into dance lessons...You care what I think. You care what they think. You care what everybody thinks. You care too much! You're not in the moment. It's like in sports. The moment a batter thinks about his swing, he screws it up. Dancing's like that too. Clear your mind. Feel the moment. In fact, don't even face the mirror. Your technique is good anyway. Just...feel it." Dongwoo forcefully turned Hoya away from the mirror as he spoke gently, and quickly. Hoya nodded as his brain tried to make sense of Dongwoo's quick speech. Then Dongwoo poked a finger at each corner of Hoya's mouth and lifted them up. "And smile! It's hard to have fun when you're not smiling. It's a fact!" Then he let go of the mouth, and Hoya let it fall back down. "Or don't smile."

Hoya rubbed his face in frustration, regretting this idea, but in the back of his mind he knew that he should set himself up for criticism if he couldn't take it. Worst of all, he knew that Dongwoo was right. But now his thoughts were racing a mile a minute, and he couldn't clear his mind. He'd failed before he even started. "Alright, Woo, it's your turn. You already know what I can do. Let's see what you can do. Let's start with some simple moves."

For the next hour, Hoya would do a move, and Dongwoo would mimic it. It was odd. Even with these simple dance moves, Hoya could still see Dongwoo put his own spin onto them. It also made Hoya want to kick up his own game a notch, his competitive edge getting the better of him. He almost forgot that Dongwoo was still recovering until Dongwoo put his hand on Hoya's shoulder, putting the weight on there instead of his knee. "Let's end here," Dongwoo said, panting. Hoya should have said that, but he had forgotten his duty. He nodded, and the two of them sat in the corner, resting for a few minutes before leaving. "Hey," Dongwoo called out to him as Hoya stretched. Dongwoo reached over and poked the other in the cheek. "You're smiling," he teased. Hoya immediately frowned and bit back the smile. "What? No! It was cute."

* * *

The next month passed in a like fashion. Hoya would go to work. Dongwoo would stay in the apartment, look for jobs, run errands, cook and clean. Once Hoya came home, they would go to the dance studio. But 'helping Dongwoo recover' soon turned into 'competing against each other,' which for Hoya became 'a lot of fun.' Somehow, he felt more at ease dancing with the other than he did with his crew. He was its leader, and he felt pressured to be perfect and strict. But with Dongwoo, who was wobbling and slightly off-tempo at times, Hoya didn't feel like it would be the end of the world if he messed up. He let go of his worries. He cleared his mind. He had fun.

Hoya also began to see Dongwoo differently. Dongwoo was no longer his carefree, immature rival. What Hoya had first mistaken as innocence was really optimism. Dongwoo was well aware of the reality of the world. He didn't choose to ignore it. He accepted it more easily than Hoya did, without much of a fight. Dongwoo just chose to look at the positives, which was starting to rub off on the usually negative therapist (Hoya on the other hand, had confused his former pessimism for realism).

One day, when the two of them were walking out of the studio, a hand grabbed the back of Hoya's collar. He turned around to see Feeldog. Hoya waved at Dongwoo to continue without him before turning to his teammate. "What's up?"

Feeldog crossed his arms with a knowing smile on his face. "I've been watching you two. You work well together. You should invite him to our team."

"You've been watching us; that's creepy," Hoya teased. Feeldog narrowed his eyes on the other. Hoya sighed. "He already has his own."

Feeldog shook his head. "They already moved on without him. You've been watching the show. They're going to win, especially with that Kim Myungsoo on their team. That kid was made to be a star." Hoya nodded. He had been watching the show, religiously with Dongwoo. Dongwoo who watched them like a proud parent watching from the sidelines, calling them immediately after the show to congratulate them. But Hoya always noticed the sadness behind Dongwoo's smile, the melancholy that followed the phone call. Dongwoo wanted to be with them too, but he knew that his time with them was over.

"What if he says no?" Hoya challenged.

Feeldog scoffed. "He won't. He knows it too. You two were meant to be partners."

* * *

 Those words floated around Hoya's mind for the next three days. _You two were meant to be partners_ , Feeldog probably didn't mean all the implications that came along with that statement, but it didn't make it any less true. Dongwoo balanced out Hoya in almost every aspect of his life. And he balanced out the other as well. He kept Dongwoo grounded and stable. Whereas Dongwoo helped Hoya to lighten up, to be more free.

Hoya had pushed those thoughts in the back of his mind for weeks. He can't like Dongwoo. He wouldn't allow himself. Not after what he had done. Besides, Dongwoo probably didn't even feel the same way. They were friends, roommates, now teammates (Dongwoo had accepted the offer to join his crew), but nothing more.

But Hoya could no longer struggle against the growing attraction he had for Dongwoo. It didn't help that the other ambled about the apartment practically nude, the boxers being some sort of courtesy (to be fair, Dongwoo had asked if it would be a problem for the other. Hoya said it wasn't. He lied). A part from the physical form of his roommate, Hoya was also attracted to Dongwoo's kind heart and strength. Hoya might've cared what other people thought. But Dongwoo cared about other people, the actual person. He was a man made for interacting with and helping others. And so when Sunggyu offered Dongwoo a job as a secretary for his office, Dongwoo gladly accepted.

"Isn't this great?" Dongwoo cheered. He sprung the news on the other as soon as Hoya walked through the door. "Now I can finally get out of your hair and get a place of my own again."

Hoya was shocked. "You...you don't have to move out," he answered. No words of congratulations, just fear of Dongwoo leaving him.

Dongwoo hung his head. "I know everything you've done for me. Doc Gyu said you recommended me for the job." He looked up at Hoya. "It's too much and it's about time that I start to pay you back."

"You really don't have to." After all, Hoya's intentions for helping Dongwoo weren't exactly pure. For one, he was pretty positive that he had fallen for the other, but above all he was racked with guilt.

Dongwoo nodded and bit his lip in thought. "Look," he began slowly. "I know that I'm not the best speaker, but I'm not stupid either. I know that you didn't like me before. Don't try to deny it," he cut off Hoya who opened his mouth to object. "I know. I know you. Better than you think. It's just that...I mean, I'm glad that we're friends now. Really glad. But...you've done so much for me, and I don't really understand why. You've done to much for me, even more than close friend."

"Are we not close?" Hoya interrupted, also hoping to change the subject, not willing to give Dongwoo his real answer, at least not yet.

Dongwoo's eyes widened, and he vehemently shook his head. "No, no, no. That's not what I meant. We are close. Real close. It's just that...Why?"

"Uh...um...Because..."

"Do you like me? Like more than a friend? Romantically? Because that's the only way I can make sense of this."

"Uh, yes," Hoya immediately responded. Dongwoo froze, and Hoya took this opportunity to put his heart on the line, and to take his roommate into his arms. "I like you," he said softly as he stroked Dongwoo's back. "Don't leave. Please." But after realizing that Dongwoo was being uncharacteristically unresponsive, still. Hoya pulled back to make sure his friend didn't die of shock. It must have been weird for the other, receiving a confession from a former rival turned therapist to a roommate/dance partner.

But apparently it wasn't because as soon as Hoya pulled back, Dongwoo planted a quick and sweet kiss on his lips. Then his own lips pulled back into a broad smile. "Good. I like you too," he said back with a small giggle. He wrapped his arms around Hoya. "And I don't want to leave you. Not ever."

And Hoya closed his eyes tightly, wishing that the other truly meant that. 

_If only he knew, if he knew the truth, would he still be here? Would he still hug me tightly like this?_  Hoya opened his eyes and looked at his apartment door. _Or will he go out that door?_

His thoughts were derailed by a happy hum passing through Dongwoo's lips. Deep in his mind, Hoya knew that Dongwoo with his soft heart would forgive him. And that made Hoya feel even more guilty. He'll tell him one day, but for now, he wanted to relish in the feeling of Dongwoo's body flushed against his, and the feeling of Dongwoo's lips once again latched onto his own, the feeling of his own love being returned to him.

_If only he knew._

* * *

A year earlier.

 

Hoya drank more than he should have, more than anyone should ever drink really. And he wasn't exactly the kindest person when he drank, especially not on that day. His crew was floundering because he couldn't clear his mind. They had a big competition coming up, and they were set up to lose, especially with Dongwoo's crew progressively getting better and better. Hoya tried to empty his mind, but he couldn't. His friend, YoonJae, whom he harbored a heartbreaking crush for, was getting married the next day, and he was going to be the best man. In less than 24 hours he was going to be standing at the altar besides the man he loved, in an uncomfortable tux and tight shoes, to give him away to a girl he had introduced him to a short year earlier. 

He knew deep down that Yoonjae would never return his affections. Yoonjae was straight after all. But it didn't make his heart hurt any less. It was breaking into tiny little pieces, and so he decided to break the face of the short, stocky man in front of him now.

To be fair, Hoya had told the little punk several times that he wasn't in the mood to joke around. But the stranger kept prodding, provoking him, asking why he was crying in his scotch like a little girl, was he 'some kind of fruit cake.' And Hoya lost it at that point, hitting him harder and more than he should have.

The punk stood up on his feet faltering, wiping the blood dripping from his nose. "You, you're going to regret this! I've got friends...dangerous friends. Tell me your name."

The name fell from his lips. His drunken mind concocting a solution to one of his problems. "Dongwoo...Jang Dongwoo. And tell your friends to come and find me. I'll be ready," he challenged as he spat on the other before he left.

And the next day, he heard that Dongwoo had ended up in the hospital, beaten up to a pulp after being cornered by a gang in an alley on his way home. They had called it a random act of violence, but Hoya knew the truth. He felt the guilt.

And his crew had won the competition, but for the first time in Hoya's life, the victory didn't taste sweet. It left a bitter taste in his mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iDWOxegA5I
> 
> Thanks for the prompt, Anon!
> 
> If anyone else wants to send one in, my ask box on tumblr is always open!


End file.
